A Balancing Act..

32433B32-7F10-4418-AA65-88D76A39DF10Samora sit patiently in her downgraded Honda CR-V with her twin boys placed in their booster seat. Each one uniformed behind the driver seat and the passenger seat.  Her nine year old daughter is finding it rather difficult to have such a coveted spot in between both rascals on a forty-Five minute drive into New York for an audition.  We haven’t left the parking space  yet and the tug and war already started over the shared iPad.  Each had their own individual gadget at one point but khaleb decided in the peak of his terrible two tantrum era to throw his as a way of securing an audience, shattering the glass making in unusable.  Kyleigh my attitude filled, sneaky and most caring child needed the use of a laptop for school, so with her new acquisition she had no need for  he iPad. So, it fell into the hand of a useless wanderer! Me. 

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I began to use her iPad as a storage device for all their pictures and emails for their childhood modeling careers, and emails from their perspective agents. So, this leave us to the headstrong, uncontrollable Khaden who will never recant on a NO. His iPad just mysteriously shut off, it took a permanent nap until I was able to bring it to the nearby Apple store where they graciously revived it and offered me a upgrade deal.  I accepted, I handed over the mini for a much larger version in hopes the boys would learn one familiar lesson that should leave a beautiful imprint for years to comes. It was familiar and unselfish it was an act that never went unnoticed “sharing” a positive and common life experience as I was growing up in my day.  Though it’s a rather difficult task to teach two toddlers who seem to always have different point of views, i was determined to make it work. With difficulty and many failed attempts, the viewing war between two programs often overtook my lessons. I couldn’t compete with the transformers or the power rangers on the oversized iPad. I refused to give  up due to my commitment of always completing the task at hand, Quickly enough the iPad usually ends up in my hand bag because we are unable to come to a mutual agreement.  The idea was to get them to identify the idea of sharing at an early age. So that as they grow the idea of sharing would become second nature or something of significance would be manifested into their everyday task, making it a natural instinct rather than an option.  At times it work, other time it failed miserably.  However in this particular case I the Superior, places the iPad in kyleighs hand and my three subordinates would have no choice but to accept my directive because I was the boss in this moment giving three relentless children orders.  I failed more times than I tried but I never gave up and I wasn’t deterred, all great lessons took time.

At this point I was beyond mad. My daily task of teaching an invaluable lesson was being questioned by a four year old brat.  The annoyance of my sixteen year old, was the much bigger version of this particular four year old Brat.  She was still in the house searching for what I assumed to be her lost shadow, her iPhone. I began to get weary and the thought of going to the city had me weighing my options at this miserable stage in my day.  Being an unconventional family trying to put conventional values into place can get weary.  Sharing, being Punctual, are even the most beautiful exploration tours can get sidetracked by uncontrollable behavior in our family.

Usually by fifteen minutes we would’ve hit the intersection of Executive Blvd, on The Sawmill River Parkway and the twins would be so mesmerized  by my motivational tapes their eyelids would become so heavy that they would drift off into dreamland. Then and only then would my nine year old, mischievous child have full control of the technological gold mine. It’s fifteen minutes into the car and this girl has yet to join us.  I started to get agitated, I rang the landline as a mere reminder that I was about to leave her, that’s was all the motivation she would need to run out the house. There was something about the City Life that caught all my children’s attention. The lights in Time square, The water taxis on the Hudson in Dumbo, feeling like an insect on the outside of the Empire State Building looking up, to the shopping sprees on 34th street. They all loved NYC, all I saw was the oversized architecture, dirty street corners, and a slew of homeless people that made me appreciate my housing community even more.  Yet! As a child I get the experience and the authenticity of a diverse city that highlight the cultures of people regardless of status and background.

Finally, After what seemed like eternity, I saw the teenager with her childish ways walking towards the Cr-v.  Dazed and confused her demeanor was a bit dull, as if she had lost her most prized possession.  Again, lack lustingly she strolled carefree towards the car like we were expected to wait for her. In my bitter, pissed off state I wanted to wait till she was three steps away from the door before I reversed forcefully and drive off.  My immediate fill would’ve being the satisfaction of seeing her loosen up and chase the car down the hill. Then and only then would I be compensated after loosing 16 precious minutes of my life. The vision of her walking down the walkway as if she was lost, irritated me.  She was unusually jovial, but awkward all the same.  She entered the car with an attitude, as if I was the one who owed her an explanation. It was the phone she said, I also “misplaced my vans” sarcastically I said thank god, cause out of so many pair of shoes the vans is that “ish”.  The phone was understandable, we are avid picture takers and NYC had some amazing scenery and architecture, beside the phone had enough storage to help with our memories. The phone was society’s newest device to brainwash teens in dependency, or atleast till the battery died.  It was kind of hard to believe that The phone that was stuck to this girls left hand and usually her first defense mechanism, was misplaced. she would usually blamed the twins if anything went missing. 

As a single parent I try to keep an organized home. Everyone has territorial access to their own property.  It is their responsibility to acknowledge and know the whereabouts of their remotes, gadgets, shoes and other items easily misplaced. Among my biggest pet peeves are clutter, stepping on legos, being poked in the bottom of my foot by little transformers or power Rangers, socks and of course unnecessary stuff just lying around on the floor that doesn’t belong.  Yes! Given my current house mates I have my work cut out for me. I ran a tight ship with everyones schedule but between my jobs it was pretty much maintained.

Which lead me to this question. Have you ever wondered how single parents struggle to maintain the proficiency of a “normal” life? Well this here’s a glimpse of my very active life. A parent like me, have being plagued by obstacles, disappointment, and trust issues when it comes to life in general and now I have to include my  children into the mix.  Society don’t always paint a positive picture of women like me.  I’ve being compared to a “crazy one”, “lacking moral compass” “selfish” to often being asked if I’m pregnant again.  The gist of it is, I know my faults but I’m content with the life I have. I could’ve being a hopeless romantic earlier on in life, or attribute my pro-life choices to creating a family I never had, who knows. That was my past and one can judge all they want, my future is more of fulfillment and creating memories. My mistakes are noted, my children are the best thing to happen to me, because before them I never really existed I was just living.  I’m a Parent first, my children will never be Burdened by my choices.  As a mom I take on multiple task, sometimes too many but how I choose to manage my overwhelming choices is solely on me. I choose to be involved  in all my children’s life equally at all times.  While It’s safe to say at times we moms may feel like clowns juggling a surmount of task, manisfested through awkward thinking and hardwork our most prized possession should be that of the little monsters running around our households. Pulling  double shifts should be defined as greed or abandonment of our children. It isn’t the norm but when your the sole provider and the bills have to be paid  hands are tied, and it’s nice to have the option of pulling an extra shift instead of living from paychecks to paycheck picking up that extra shift, often times make that late payment go away. Especially when one is on a bi-weekly budget.  Single parents have no shortage of goals,  making ends meet is often our slogan, it’s not a rouse. Many will portray us as backward thinkers, and claim  that we are selfish and greedy.  As a mother I found my strength in dealing with multiple personalities, driving to activities, and managing schedules (school, work, modeling) to be the ultimate challenge.  

I didn’t know I was capable until life presented me with four innocent children who didn’t ask for this lifestyle but was placed in my care because the powers that be insisted I was capable for the task at hand.  Hard work and determination are among the many adjectives that’s used to single us parents out. Patience is an understatement when it comes to  parenting techniques but when we make the choice to do it alone without the luxury of a nanny , and the mature male figure who understands co-parenting despite the fact that the relationship is toxic. As single parents push Limits, defy odds, and shift boundaries that exists in our world. The need to succeed is our slogan, secondary goals are minor distractions. Morning errands are among the day to day goals, paying bills on time is a focus achievable goal.  Building is a deterrent factor, it is best to set achievable goals and when each achievable goal is accomplished a bigger goal replaced the previous acquired goal. 

Mountains weren’t made accessible for its unique mount at the top, Theres a trail to get to that point.  many will find it, some will attempt, but only a devoted few will accomplish the set task. That is my view on single parenting, many will differ but this is mine. When you have mastered each lesson, fill the visible void, conquer extracurricular activities, there will always be a new set of ytask at hand.  In my home their is no shortage of task, attitude, behavioral issues, and of course the ever changing personalities.  I tell myself I was made for this and so I put my best foot forward with a personal touch of my attitude and approach each one of my creation with the intention to encourage and redirect. 

I want my children to understand they did not choose this life  but due to unfortunate circumstances it happened and as much as I would like the ability to re-write their story, understandably we are all made for each other. I honestly believed this path was paved for me and I’m not mad. I am not the first and won’t be the last to travel this road. I can however work towards a tolerable future and break the cycle.  Teach my daughter the value of family, show my sons the unbreakable strength of a woman, so they value a woman’s worth.  Struggles have no shortage in the world of single parenting skills and techniques.  What propelled me to an achievable level of life was the insatiable love I have for my children, and the thirst to succeed.  I am graciously playing the hand I was dealt.

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